Why am I such a people pleaser?

Why is such a small word so hard to say?

Most of us have experienced times when we found it hard to say no; it could have been a friend who wanted us to give them emotional support, to borrow money, to look after their child or elderly parent, a boss who wants us to work late again, etc… they seemingly have no problem asking for what they want and yet many people have a problem saying no.

Why are we afraid of saying no?  Often we fear that the other person will think we are selfish, of not being a good  friend  or employee, but very often we are afraid of being  misjudged, rejected, overlooked, and finding ourselves alone …  so we strive to please others.


If our confidence  is low we are unable to assert ourselves or stand up for ourselves.  We put ourselves second and everyone else first, leaving no time or space for our own self-care, it’s called people-pleasing.  Self-care is important because it is a way of telling ourselves that we matter and if we believe we matter our confidence increases.

Self-confidence allows us to realise that we do not  always have to solve everyone else’s problems; it allows us to realise that if someone misjudges us as selfish  because we say ‘no’, it is no reflection of us but it is a reflection  of them; if they misjudge us they are making a mistake – that’s what a misjudgement is.  Their misjudgement is simply that, a mistake and there’s nothing we can do about that, BUT  what we can do is remind ourselves that we are not as they see us.

Yes it hurts to be misjudged but do any of us really want to be with people who misjudge us when we simply say no to a request?  There are nearly 8 billion people in the world and so there are  plenty of people who will respect us, see our positive qualities and not misjudge us.

Life is about balance which means we have the right to  say yes and no, we have the right to look after ourselves and others and each time you say no to others … you are saying yes to yourself. Please yourself!

Yvonne Morgan Clinical Hypnotherapist 07899 62515